Reviewer

I am fortunate to be given opportunity to learn a new aspect of scientific critical review and writing, which could be added value for my life science career. Having said that I have been submitting manuscripts to a few journals, been rejected and accepted by some of them. Things I didn't expect to see were I was invited to review other submitted manuscripts by two of these journals. Circulation genetics is one of the top cardiology journals with a 3 years impact factor of 6, was the big shock for me when they invited me to be reviewer. I remember it was 2 years ago, and I seriously thought that was their mistake because of my paper rejection and my own qualification. Till then, I have helped to review two manuscripts of total 4 requests for them. Seriously I am glad of this kind of opportunity,  because I learnt a new study idea and realized how strong the overseas research team. It could help me to improve the research culture if I still in the basic science field.  I thought it would it would end my reviewing career after I quit and canceled my ex-institutions working email. Till last month, the invitation to review two new manuscripts by second journal really sparked up my passion in scientic writing. I decided to draft my sixth manuscript before I officially say goodbye to my "ex" team. This manuscript is not for my hunt to gain more publication title (seriously, I don't need to be first author) but to feed my interest to write. Unbelievable,  how all these have got me in love with scientific writing more and more.

New life

Let me tell you a story.

A friend of mine was quitting and besides him, there were two other people recommended me to take the job. It was a very last minute decision, and what awaited me that time, was i foreseen how much workload i need to cope. A week passed, he managed to hand over part of what he had been trained for two months in Penang, to me in 4 days of time. My friend, or shall i say, he is still my supervisor, left for a better offer which granted him a chance to be with his family. It was indeed, a very good news. Now i want to explain why he still my supervisor after that he already resigned? Because, he broke his agreement with the company, and he is still a responsible person, so he got to guide me to judge whether i am competent to take over his job. This was his boss (now my boss) explanation.

Anyway, the main thing is i changed my job, and i am very unhappy. Not because of the workload, but the true face of my ex-boss, the one i worked for nearly 5 years. He probably don't understand, yet of certain things he had spoke to me over the phone, hurt my little heart. Now i am taking a new job because of him, and i also have to let go my Phd project because of him too.

I just came back from the grant defense meeting of this Phd project. It was a relief after the meeting, because i decide to let go, regardless how much time i've spent to work up this protocol. He is probably giving away this project to other people anyway. Unless i am very generous, i am happy to help up. But, why should i do this?

All these while i never say No, and i too efficient, which put me in difficult position. When you're in a position, whereby people agree your performance, but just because you are not pharmacist, not doctors, not a permanent government servant, you are nothing.

I've experienced that.

However, i appreciated all the opportunities, given by my ex-boss. Most importantly, i don't see this as i deserved to be treated that bad, it depends on how you see the things that God put us through.

I learned from zero, and today, i have experienced more than other people, though i was paid less.
I got no credit, yet, i feel contented (forcefully sometimes)

So, for this new job, i will commit like i always do. Just ignore me if i complain too much on blog or facebook, it will be just an emotion swing.

Start from today, i am a study coordinator. No more an academic researcher. And yeah, good bye my Phd project.

Works

From January till now, i have been working on 1 grant proposal, 6 abstracts, 1 poster, 3 interviews; and due, 1 presentation, 5 sets of statistical analysis,  3 manuscripts and 1 review. Coming soon will be the lecture notes for research management and practical biochem, if they take me up as part time lecturer. I haven't got time to plan for my Indonesia trip, which due in 2 months time!

Wish

I remember a few wishes i asked for my 2012 new year resolution. 2012 was a fruitful year for me, but also very much a tearful year with more worries, pressures and disappointments. I would say it was 50% happiness and 50% stressfulness to conclude my 2012 year. However, it becomes clear to me about my next plan in 2013. This time i don't feel to put any wish, but i sincerely hope that i can listen from my heart about the message of God to me, and follow His path of what i suppose to do. 2013 is much more uncertainties than previous years, yet, the more challenge and unpredictable the future is, the closer i feel and the more i need to stay faithful to our God. If there is anything i could wish, is peace. Clearly, the gang rape outrage in India and gun shot in States elementary school has truly traumatized me. Only that we bow down to repent our sins and mistakes, the world would remain peaceful.

Repent and contentment

This year Christmas is a special one, which marks my 7th year anniversary as Christian, and am grateful that i learned TWO new words: Repent and Contentment. This year 2012 was full of hassles for me. I faced  angers, disappointment, stress, challenge, and uncertainties. For one point, i realize i just too greedy and asked too much, which actually i had several good moments too, and instead to feel joyful i let the negative feeling filled my mind most of the time. Why was i always let this sinfulness to leave in my heart? It got me to think that i put my own benefit on top of my love to my family and Jesus. I wish i can get promoted, yet i got terminated and replaced with new contract with lower pay. I felt jealous as it turned out that i only worth the qualification like those fresh grads. While i am hoping someone superior than me as in position, to defend me, they told me i wasn't promoting myself hard enough. I am disappointed to be treated like this. The joys of friends and relatives to grow their family added another pressure to myself, i am happy for them and at the same time, i wonder why there is not my turn yet? As the eldest in the family, i am facing the financial crisis of the family. While i am accusing my parents to be stubborn, i realized i am just the same as them. Sometimes i had a forceful smile to myself and surrounding, till then, God has sent his angels to me. HE told me to repent and feel contented. This got me to think that what we are having right now, is not a must and what we wished. Instead, it is just a process that God wanted us to go through. The true meaning is how does all these reality turn out to be a realization of how weakly we are. Only when we repent, to understand the sacrifice of Jesus to clean our sins, and so we learn to be grateful, joyful and a better person. When we are asking for more, we will eventually find out that we would never get the maximum of what we wanted. The more you dream, the farther that dream it becomes. It is now important to be contented, and be grateful that at least i am alive with my love one, and ain't face hunger.

Ephesians 2:8 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

Philippians 4:11-12 

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

God, thanks for letting me know about these. Please use me for Your plan. 

updates

Hi everyone, it has been months long i didn't update about my progress.

First, i wanna congratulate CK, deeply from my heart. I am super proud to have such a brilliant friend, and hopefully there is chance for us to collaborate one day. Second, i bet everyone is very busy, and i realize i wanted to know the updates from Yee kai, Marcus from their blogs. I also missed the chance to meet up with my girlfriends, those Connie, Su Yin etc this year. Argh.. i really wonder how they are doing so far.

I'm not sure if anyone is missing me as i did, anyway, i will just do a little bit update about myself.. i finally graduated  with a MSc, with two papers accepted, got one grant approved, and prepared two projects for two Master students (i consider myself, to co-supervise them. =p); be part of the team to set up a pre-clinical site, and work up with new project with other universities. And just recently, i got myself engaged with a mutual fund business (not expanding at all, because i do it mainly for my own investment) and planning to start a mini bakery business next year. Well, although it seems like i am progressing well with my career and income, actually i am stuck in a "backward" mode.

My contract is finishing soon, and will be replaced by a new contract that gives me lower pay. This is so unfair, as i have 4 years working experience, with MSc qualification, i will only be paid with an undergraduate salary. This is such a terribly feeling, especially no matter how i like this job and how much i spent my time for my boss. Anyway, i believe this is not a big deal. I have my Plan B. =p

Back!

After two weeks of vacation, is time to re-fuel back. I like this New Zealand very much, she is so peaceful everywhere (except for Christchurch, which people still has trauma living there), no pollution and so clean. If there is a chance for me, i will visit this country again. From now on, i will prepare for the Tibet trip, but most likely i won't go this time. Because going to reduce my trip to travel, has to focus on serious matter: future and health. I still suffer a bit of jet lag after this trip, though only for 4 hours, my husband and i felt sleepy by the time of 6pm here, and woke up at least 5am in the morning. He even went out to work at 5am today! I will spend more time to organize the photos and come out a travel post about this trip, despite being lazy, got to do the revision of grant proposal and settle several other things. In short, be home is good, except that growing pollution surround us. I felt i miss New Zealand's air more now.

Being ambitious

I am too ambitious (or greedy, perhaps) in too many things. I thought i could finish my Masters and be graduate in a year of time, in fact, i was too ambitious that time. I thought i could publish in time, it still delays now, i was too ambitious that time too. Even now i also thought i could get that project approved by the authority easily, i was way too dreamy, because it is not the matter of whether the project will be approved, but because i leak too much "interesting" or "novel" ideas in that project, seem like someone going to steal the idea. Erm.. i am not too sure, we might just need to wait patiently anyway. I also way too ambitious want to get pregnant and be a mom when i am 26 years old. That's my life plan, but things ain't come out as smooth as i thought. After all, i am going to turn into 27, soon into 30. That was another example of being ambitious. Oh well, even now there is chance for myself to have a real leisure break, we are ambitious to conquer the New Zealand in 14 days! Check out the map below, that is our route.

Total distance for travel: 2559.3 km
Total traveling time: 36 hours 18 mins
Average road distance to travel per day: 182.8 km

This is totally MADNESS!

Postgraduate update

After 364 days of waiting, a confirmation email to endorse my MSc status was finally arrived. I bid goodbye to my MSc life, the only few things left to unsolved will be the printing of final copies of thesis, a convocation ceremony and the publication of the manuscripts. Publication is always the most difficult part, the hope to get the manuscript to be published is getting tough. No matter how tough it is, the future direction after this MSc phase is actually tougher. I thank for another opportunity to pursue the PhD in one local university, but still, there is many considerations. If i take up this chance, means i am again, to be my own boss because having an academician to be expert in cardiovascular basic science work is a rare case here. If there is not much obstacle, i will be expecting a mini grant of RM 100K to come into my pocket and this is sufficient to start the work on third quarter of the year. I will still need to seek support from various people to secure a PhD scholarship which offers at least RM20K bench fees each year, throughout the PhD training. But who will be the ideal supervisor, who has the experience to guide me so that i can learn the most? I still eying on the admission to Otago Uni in Christchurch, yet with a family commitment and how dependent i am, to go overseas alone will not going be my choice. In the meantime, i will rather choose to think carefully. So, i am hoping if you like to leave your comment or advise, please limited to this blog only or write to me personally. I feel don't want to talk about this in front many people, after all it is kind of a big decision to be made. I will talk when i feel to.

What a day!

天空很晴朗，我们起了一大早就驱车前往离古晋四十公里远的Annah Rais Hot Spring。很久没有这样放松自己，一路上就驾着车，看周围的风景。虽然不比美国那辽阔的草原，雪山一般美丽，却因为不受污染，没有任何的多余发展，此番风景还是漂亮的。到了目的地，没有想象的简陋，想必政府也在前些时候收拾和管理。可惜，还是缺少一些遗憾。大概我国政府没想象到会那么多人来此地出游，洗手间并不完善，也缺少垃圾桶。可敬的是，现今许多游客也会自备垃圾袋把自己的垃圾打包回去另外再丢。虽说地方不错，我们还是比较喜欢更宁静的地方。所以在Hot Spring和朋友聚一聚后，就离开另找地方吃我们准备的便当。我们在回程过程中，就有幸的寻到一处小溪。我们冒险的爬下又陡又滑的山路，是有些可怕，毕竟一跌下去肯定大骨折。可是当一脚触碰那清凉的溪水，刚才的惊险顿时忘记。我们就坐在一处沙滩，嘴里啃着面包，他看他的报纸，我就泡着脚，什么都不想，就只是看看大自然的美丽，自己白皙的脚和被蚊子叮得伤口。那一阵，感觉时间的停顿，好舒服，好真实。

快乐的时光总是过得快，还没享受完就突然倾盆大雨。我们赶紧收拾一番，回到家就大睡，醒来后就得知印尼大地震或引发大海啸的消息。我们立刻联络正在普吉岛度假的小姑，她们一行人已被疏散到离海滩两公里外的酒店。当时据知海啸将会在半个小时内抵达，我跟我家婆通电，她的声音是颤抖的，忧心的，可想而知是那么的令人恐慌。我们无法做些什么，就如计划去参加李建安博士的讲座会。一路上，我祈祷希望没事。

我们抵达会场后，过不久老公就收到消息，海啸警报解除了！真的是虚惊一场，没事好过有事发生。好消息后，我们也专心的听讲座。那是关于“从社会学和神学角度探讨同性恋”。我只能说，确实因为欧阳文风这个常在星洲日报发文章发表关于同性恋课题，让我关注到同性恋不再仅仅是社会课题，更多时候因为这位作者自称是基督徒和牧师，让我更迷茫，更让更多非信徒以为我们是支持同性爱。因为时间关系，我暂且不讨论当晚的内容。不过，总结是，我感受的神的大能。从今早的大自然的美丽，神垂听我们的祷告，再来从神的话语（圣经）来理解的社会课题，我深深地感受到神的存在。感谢神的恩典给与我们今天的喜乐和平安。

uncertainty

To take Phd or not

To go abroad or not

To have baby or not

To help my parents financially or not

To quit and look for new job or not

To just let it be or fight for a chance to change or not

These are so called "Uncertainties"

Happy Valentine's!

I know it was quite late to say this though, just want to write a cheerful post for the early start of 2012. You know in my previous two posts, they were too stressful and depressed to be read. I can't leave something so emotional and negative in my blog all the time. Is time to share something more cheerful.

Yeah, we had a great time for our Valentine's. That's our 2nd Valentine's since married, and as usual, he didn't give me flower, i didn't give any gift to him, and no romantic, expensive dinner inside a lovely decorated restaurant meant for couples. But i did dress up nicely on that night. He was quite surprised why i dressed up so nice since he wasn't prepare to bring me go out for any romantic dinner. He thought we might just stay at home, and as usual, i cook for my own and he enjoys his bread then Anim. Somehow, i understand him quite well, so i quickly comforted him that we only went out to see how other couples' celebrate.

So, we decided to go to The Spring Mall, and dinner at the food court! He had his fried chicken, i got my roasted chicken. Then walked around, observed how other celebrated their valentines' with the loved one. Ah, i forgive him not giving anything to me, but he was so stingy that don't want to pay RM2 for an indoor parking. At the end, he got to run through a heavy poured rain to get the car and picked me up after the dinner that night. Well, can i consider this as 'punishment'?

Anyway, we had a great time too. I still love him the most. Happy Valentine's, my dearest!

i just cried over a phone

i believe i am quite a positive person but the fact is i am quite emotional too. Though it's getting better when time goes on, i learn and be mature, still when it's about my family, my responsibility as the elderst, when there is a burden on my shoulder and i find myself can't cope with, i am easily feeling upset. Just a while ago, i came out a budget and after discussion with my husband and aunt, we decided to fund my youngest sis to go study in Taiwan. Though it sounds quite positive her study will be funded fully (at least my parents don't need to worry), i have more to do now. I got to advise my sis is that what she wants? And what kind of future she would like or foreseen? I got to help my parents to get through this financial crisis. I got to consider my husband's feeling if there is by any chance we need to use our own savings to help them. All these become the unsolved problems clearly after i talked over a phone with my aunt. At the end, i just cried. I know it's just too stressful for me right now. I just realized nothing much i can do. And it does matter if i delay to help out, things will just getting worse. Yet, i need to be strong. Thank God that i am a Christian, i believe God can watch over me and guide me. And i certainly believe, it's a life process, at least i learn this when i am young, i can cope if there is bigger problem next time. Does this sounds positive then? God, please grant me the power!

My sin and pray

this is just a random post, my though about my parents. Ever since 3 years ago, they were in financial problem and it was getting severe since 6 months ago. The warning has gone, now it's the critical situation. I finally saw my mom getting depressed, despite the fact that she always been the most optimistic person in our family. My dad even worse, he can't even sleep well now. What should i do as a daughter? My grandparents also very worry about them, apparently that's a miscommunication between my parents and them. My grandma said my dad is not obedient, never listen to her, so she used to ask me to "advise" my parents. But what should i do as a daughter? Should i obey my grandma, or ignore my parents' own right to think and decide for themselves? I pray and i hope God can help us. There is nothing much i can do, i just realize. I don't have money to pay their debt, i don't even dare myself to quit my job to help them take care of business. And i am selfish, i don't even want my dad to work physically hard if i ask him to be a cook, or construction worker. And there is no way i will let my parents to split if there is chance for one of them to work abroad. I am selfish, i don't like to see my parents, especially my dad to worry so much until he thinks he is incompetence, useless and thought everyone will look down at him. I am so selfish that how could i live happily and positive, with enough saving to do investment and go traveling, yet i never help them even to always disagree their ideas of expanding/changing their business not too long ago. How could i ever do that? I am such a selfish and disobedient kid. I pray for forgiveness, i pray that God can watch my parents and give them a hand,  i pray so that we can get through this problem as soon as possible.

First post for 2012

New year new beginning.

First day working, rushed for grant proposal, is compete with time and hope that old guy can be supportive a bit and don't kacau too much.

Little sis preparing to go Taiwan study, while another sis coming back in two weeks time from New Zealand. Just heard very soon she will leave home again to meet her fiance. Now I realize, my parents going to be lonely as the time goes by when three of us grew up and started leaving home now.

Still chun chun got period. oh crap.

The internal examiner still hasn't return back my thesis. Got so difficult to mark meh, need to take three months? 

8 months later will be London Olympic. Oh Yeah, that also means i going to have 4 years anniversary of working. Time flies! I need to graduate now.

And 2012, why there is many people talking the end of the world? My advise, don't watch movie too much.

Yeah December 2011!

We're approaching to the last month of 2011. It is always my favourite month because of the Christmas. I treasure that i am a Christian since 5 years ago. This year Christmas will be my 5 years anniversary of being a Christian. That's still lots to learn to be a good kid of my dearest Father, and yet i haven't touch the heart of non-Christian among the friends/family member to be Christian, not too say sometime i also very lazy to read the bible. =p ah, a month of December also the whole month i should ask myself everyday: what's my testimony to our God? am i faith to Him? do i confess my sin and ask for forgiving? did i hate my enemy or talk something bad behind them? am i better person than the one i was last year?

Apart from these questions, it's a festive season and my tradition to listen the all-time-favourite Christmas songs, together by stuffing myself the high calories foods. It's fun, however, somehow i wish this year i can bring my parents to listen the gospel organized by my church (with whatever way i could think of: forcing or begging?) Dear Lord, can you give me a hand for this? =p

Not to forget, this year December also my 1st wedding anniversary. Gonna love more this life-time husband.

Post for 11.11.11

Good day! I feel like want to make a footprint by writing a post on this very special day dated 11.11.11. Life is still as usual, except that i just sent up an abstract to one international conference which going to be held in Hong Kong again! We have some promising data from this project and maybe is worth to try for a publication. Anyway, now i can focus again to revise my manuscript. Now i know revision ain't easy, hope it won't happen in my thesis. Will go for an awesome dinner tonight with my husband to celebrate my joyous of finishing one part of the work. =)

Turning into 26

Wow so i am 26 year old now! With a status of married wife, working woman and soon to be graduated with a Masters, i consider myself still young and energetic at this age. The wrinkle may begin to start appear around my eyes, sign of osteoporosis with cracking sounds from the joints of upper arm, low blood pressure most of the time, easily tired and nauseous after a long tiring day etc. But these won't push me to tell the world that i am old. I feel glad that i am starting to be health conscious and to stay healthy, it is so important that we must live happily, with routine exercise and good meals.

My wish for this year birthday is most likely the same as previous years, maybe add on few things. You know, after last year, my life is not only myself, my family is growing and more people/things to be taken concern. I hope at this time i am turning into another year older, i can be wiser, healthier, wealthier, fatter, cheerer, grow spiritually holier to my Almighty God, and the World safer.

Being a Sale girl

You must have the ability to:
1. be thick face
2. be convincing
3. think and action fast
4. have good EQ especially not to give up easily
5. have sweet smile
After tried to promote our own blended fruit juices in front of my parents’ shop this weekend, i got rejected for over hundred times. It was like in a rate of 20 people pass by, just ONE willing try to taste the product, not yet to say if that person willing to buy your product. Ain’t easy, so i finally knew how hurt the feeling when one get rejected. This kind of experience makes me treasure more about the hard works paid by the sale representatives. Anyway, there is always a chance to learn more, and i can proudly tell that i knew some tips of being a super sale girl just as i listed above. We will gear up and hopefully to sell more fruit juices next weekend!~ finger crossed

June updates

Another quick update about myself: i submitted my second draft of thesis to supervisor and now is awaiting for his news which examiners he proposed, then i can officially send out my thesis to them to tell myself i am again closer to get my Master certification. For typical timing, i will put this for 3-5 months. Anyway, dream to get myself graduate this year looks quite impossible so i don't put too much hope on this. Meanwhile, i am 90% sure to submit my manuscript for publication in this two months time. It was encouraging to hear a feedback from a professor from Uni California San Francisco (UCSF), who commented "well written" after he read the manuscript. I still need support from my own uni supervisor, once i get his reply then definitely go on the submission process. Ideally, first journal to try will be the Circulation: Cardiovascular Genetics as suggested by UCSF professor. Apart from this project, i am now focusing on another project on drug metabolism response. It is basically involve SNP genotyping, i plan to do High Resolution Melting analysis for this after considered the pros and cons of doing standard hydrolysis probe. Lots of reading were involve to get myself prepared, at the same time we also started to extract genomic DNA from a total number of 273 samples. This project will involve lots of traveling just like my previous project, going to travel between general hospital - Swinburne - UNIMAS - heart centre. I don't feel stress since started this project, because it doesn't involve patient enrollment (we used existing samples) which is my very weak point. A little stress probably due to how to get all the works done with a very limited budget (RM20K only). But it is still quite relaxing so i had some time to think of new proposals. Although the first proposal was rejected by my direct boss in Heart Centre, but he commented the writing was good. So i think i will continue my other proposals, to prove that i did work to get our lab going on. I also aware that writing for grant application needs at least a PhD qualification, i probably will go for this as career development wise. Then it turns out very logic why i need to grad my Master so desperately. LOL. Going to Hanoi in less than 48 hours time, i should forget about my work and future plan first, concentrate to get myself recover from sick so i can enjoy in max in Hanoi.