Jealousy

Before I was a Christian,  I thought it was common to have a feeling of hatred, jealousy and greed, occasionally.  I learned that all these negative feelings are born naturally ever since we were a foetus in our mom' wombs. The sin only can be cleaned if you believe Jesus Christ. This is a fact. But even I have committed and believed in Jesus, my sin still remains and growing. Because our bodies in this human world are influenced by all kinds of activities that can put us into a sinful thinking and act.

Jealousy is one of the sins I always condemn.  I judge using my own ruler, hence it got me divert  my faith from Jesus Christ to human world. Sometimes when we asked for too much, even though we got what we deserved to have. One would still think "it is not enough". Jealous about another person's success in career, family or health, reflecting ourselves aren't confident enough.

Why should we compare to others?  Why not find the answer from the bible and prayer to God?

Man often thinks they are superior. The key word is the humble makes one learns the most.

It is a tough task to learn how not getting yourselves with negative sinful thinking.

Be firm and optimistic. If this is difficult, put the burden on Jesus. That's what he had offered to us.

NHAM 2013

This was my fifth and last year to attend this annual scientific event. It was a very fruitful conference to mark my last week working with cardiologists.  I was very honored to have my name printed on at least 9 abstracts on the proceedings.  In fact I also won the free paper award in my session, despite the fact that I wasn't prepared well due to my transition period to be handed over the works for my new job. Miracle is, God listen my prayer that he knew I wanted this awsrd so much. I won the prize! Not only that, the project i wrote with my boss won three out of four abstract competitions. In total, our hospitals got young investigator award (our paper) and 5 free paper award out of 6 contested. This really a good end to end my research life in cardiology field. I appreciate the opportunity I had to be part of contributing. Is time to jump and strive in another field.

Bangkok, Pattaya and Asian Pacific Congress of Cardiology(APCC) 2013

Mel and I went to Thailand on the 3rd week of February, with our main purpose to attend the APCC 2013 and presented our poster. The congress was organized at Pattaya, a not so ideal location. Pattaya is about 2 hours driving from Bangkok city, and is famous for its red light district and polluted/highly congested beaches. We spent 3 nights there, with one full day in the conference. There were a lot need to be improved in terms of the quality of conference. I expect to know more professionals there, yet they seem to conceal themselves within their own groups. Maybe is the language barrier, if not they are too professionals, they tend to stick with those had similar interest with them.

After Pattaya, we continued our journey to Bangkok city. We met Mel's friend in Bangkok, so we had a fun time with them. What i like the most about Bangkok is the shopping experience. It is very cheap and of good quality. Not only that, i admire their clean toilet, friendly people, efficient MRT system; and of cause, not their hot weather.

We had a good time there. I plan to go back Bangkok again, for shopping. For Pattaya, one time visit is enough.

New life

Let me tell you a story.

A friend of mine was quitting and besides him, there were two other people recommended me to take the job. It was a very last minute decision, and what awaited me that time, was i foreseen how much workload i need to cope. A week passed, he managed to hand over part of what he had been trained for two months in Penang, to me in 4 days of time. My friend, or shall i say, he is still my supervisor, left for a better offer which granted him a chance to be with his family. It was indeed, a very good news. Now i want to explain why he still my supervisor after that he already resigned? Because, he broke his agreement with the company, and he is still a responsible person, so he got to guide me to judge whether i am competent to take over his job. This was his boss (now my boss) explanation.

Anyway, the main thing is i changed my job, and i am very unhappy. Not because of the workload, but the true face of my ex-boss, the one i worked for nearly 5 years. He probably don't understand, yet of certain things he had spoke to me over the phone, hurt my little heart. Now i am taking a new job because of him, and i also have to let go my Phd project because of him too.

I just came back from the grant defense meeting of this Phd project. It was a relief after the meeting, because i decide to let go, regardless how much time i've spent to work up this protocol. He is probably giving away this project to other people anyway. Unless i am very generous, i am happy to help up. But, why should i do this?

All these while i never say No, and i too efficient, which put me in difficult position. When you're in a position, whereby people agree your performance, but just because you are not pharmacist, not doctors, not a permanent government servant, you are nothing.

I've experienced that.

However, i appreciated all the opportunities, given by my ex-boss. Most importantly, i don't see this as i deserved to be treated that bad, it depends on how you see the things that God put us through.

I learned from zero, and today, i have experienced more than other people, though i was paid less.
I got no credit, yet, i feel contented (forcefully sometimes)

So, for this new job, i will commit like i always do. Just ignore me if i complain too much on blog or facebook, it will be just an emotion swing.

Start from today, i am a study coordinator. No more an academic researcher. And yeah, good bye my Phd project.

April

It seems like an April fool for you, if i tell you i changed job with decision making only in 1 day. Only in 1 day, my role totally changed from an academic researcher to an on-site study coordinator. Great challenge for me, especially i need to take over the workloads in 5 days, and hand over to my colleagues in the same time. I reverted back to my old position, a lone ranger.

Works

From January till now, i have been working on 1 grant proposal, 6 abstracts, 1 poster, 3 interviews; and due, 1 presentation, 5 sets of statistical analysis,  3 manuscripts and 1 review. Coming soon will be the lecture notes for research management and practical biochem, if they take me up as part time lecturer. I haven't got time to plan for my Indonesia trip, which due in 2 months time!

Wish

I remember a few wishes i asked for my 2012 new year resolution. 2012 was a fruitful year for me, but also very much a tearful year with more worries, pressures and disappointments. I would say it was 50% happiness and 50% stressfulness to conclude my 2012 year. However, it becomes clear to me about my next plan in 2013. This time i don't feel to put any wish, but i sincerely hope that i can listen from my heart about the message of God to me, and follow His path of what i suppose to do. 2013 is much more uncertainties than previous years, yet, the more challenge and unpredictable the future is, the closer i feel and the more i need to stay faithful to our God. If there is anything i could wish, is peace. Clearly, the gang rape outrage in India and gun shot in States elementary school has truly traumatized me. Only that we bow down to repent our sins and mistakes, the world would remain peaceful.